Part 1- Mommy
Do you know how demoralizing it is to have to drop your kid of at a gas station? This child, my child, grew inside of me for 8 months. I’ve clothed him, fed him, loved him, not to mention missed out on numerous social events for him…just to have my parenting skill reduced to a BP parking lot. This weekly trade off has become sickening, I dread it, but my son needs to see his father, and I need this time to study.
I look down at my watch, then out my window. Its 7:05 and I have Bio study group at 7:30. He knows that, but yet and still he is always late. Things like that, his constant lateness, are why we are not together anymore. I shift in my seat so I can comfortably look at Isaiah. He’s strapped snuggly in his car seat, playing with some Happy Meal action figure. Its dark out, but I can see the excited glimmer in his eyes, as he brings his action figure to life, making sounds and voices. “Are you excited to go to dads house this weekend?” He smiles and looks up, shaking his head. I’m glad he’s excited. It’s important that a young boy has a good relationship with his dad, or at least that’s what the court ordered counselor told us during our custody hearing. I believe her to. I just never thought my child would have to be taken to a neutral space, a gas station parking lot, in order to be given over to visit his father. Just like any other girl I kind of believed that I’d have the picture perfect family. 2 parents in one house, family dinners and all that.
But instead I’m a full time student and a full time mom to a 4 year old. Attending class, setting play dates, and making dinner all in one day have become second nature to me. In other words being stressed out has become second nature to me, and pretty much my constant state since I gave birth. Being a mom first and senior Public Health major second are probably the two hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and I’m doing them both simultaneously.
I live in the library and study whenever I can fit it in. I work long hours because I have to. I’m sleep deprived most days, but it’s all worth it because I love my kid. I’ve still managed to have fun in college though. I go out and party when I can. I go to football games. I’ve made some great friends and some great memories. But even after 3 years they don’t always understand that I can’t always go out with them because I have a kid to care for, work to do, and sometimes I’m just too exhausted. As much as I dislike admitting it at times, Isaiah’s dad is the only one I know who can relate because he’s going through the same thing.
I look out my passenger side window in just enough time to see him pull up and park right across from me. I look at my car clock. It’s 7:33. I’m late.